SE198WPF, color calibration questions

Hi folks,

I am thoroughly confused and HAVE BEEN for years regarding monitor calibration.

I was recently looking everywhere to find out if, when calibrating a monitor, do I reset the monitor itself to defaults, then use the Windows calibrator AND/OR my graphic card's software? OR should I only adjust the display using the buttons on the monitor?

What is the most accurate way (without a special $$ calibrator tool) to get files and photos to display the way they will display on other people's systems? Or at least close?

I tried asking this on a photography forum and it turned into people telling me to get a more modern monitor. Well that would be nice but I don't have the $$ or desk space for one (they are all too big now).  

Mine is the Dell SE198WPF.